Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Guest Post: Greetings From Paranormal Wastelands

Paranormal Wastelands

Mythbusters pranks turns deadly/How to deal with a zombie roommate. -Greta & Darkfallen @ ParanormalWastelands
It was a dark and spooky night, for dramatic effect of course.

Actually, it was a pretty clear night with a light overcast but what the HAY is spooky about that?  SO, we shut the blinds and just said it was dark and spooky because quite frankly what on earth is scary about overcast.

Wait... what about SMOG?


It was a dark and smoggy night with lung crushing exhaust in the air because Paranormal Wastelands is really close to the airport and interstate. And because, ya know...its' a wasteland;)

We had just settled in to watch our favorite program... INFOMERCIALS!! (by we she means GRETA. Darkfallen doesn't do that junk.)  When all of the sudden a challenge came on tv{creative}&kw={keyword} <embed this video here. let me know if you need help with that>

It was so simple..... IS that for real?

Since Greta was extremely bored with the Tweezy commercial that she has seen up-teen million times she decided to do an experiment. To her room she went to retrieve the Mythbusters Zombie Kit and set to work.

"DARKFALLEN!" she called in a 'here's a cookie for you' kind of voice.

uuuummmmm cookies?!

Unsuspectingly her victim/experimental project/pays for most of the rent so we might need her later  entered the room.  Darkfallen waltzed (because she watches too much Dancing with the Stars) over to the counter and eyed her cookie.  
There really was a cookie there... even though Greta dropped it on the kitchen floor that she forgot to mop, it still looked pretty edible... just a tad bit of cat hair on it.
"Would you like some milk with that?"  She asked her science project.

"No,"  Darkfallen was being kinda snobby and only wanted water because she was watching her animal fat intake.

"Uhhhh..."  This wasn't what Greta had planned.  She had to take another force of action... and by that she basically just water boarded Darkfallen with expired milk.

wouldn't that be milk boarded?
*Do not water board your fellow bloggers, please.  That might get us sued. We suggest a funnel.  It's more humane.*
The effects were astronomical. Actually, well, they were kinda lame and boring but for Greta and her attention span they kept her interested for about ten minutes.
Here are her findings:

1) Cat furred cookies do not taste very good.  Greta ate the half that Darkfallen spit out.

2) Sour milk will turn you into a zombie

3) Toshiba computers do not reverse the effects

4) Darkfallen seemed to inappropriately moaning a lot                                                                                                                                           
5) Greta realized that she left Chat Roulette up on her lappy screen and figured out that wasn't Darkfallen

6) Darkfallen seemed to be now doing the Thriller dance instead of the waltz

7) Her drool while gross did bring out the bloodshot in her eye in a London fashion sorta way.  Look out REVLON!

8) Darkfallen seemed to get over her animal fat diet and started munching on Fluffy the cat.

9) Fluffy the cat now resides on the couch with drool hanging out of her mouth and a bite chomp mark taken from her tummy.

10) Never by Greta a Mythbusters kit!! No matter how much she pleads it can only lead to disaster.
Not everything you see on tv is real, but whatever you do... DON'T DRINK THE SOUR MILK!!!!

 Things NOT to do when living with a zombie roommate:

No I didn't kick her out!!! I mean DUDE she pays the rent! Lolz
1.) Under no circumstances let her cook dinner. What once used to lead to a rather tastie steak now results in road kill, and misc body parts. (often followed by headlines that read: Another person goes missing from local town.)

2.) Speaking of food, when grocery stopping don't forget to pick up a live chicken or two...maybe a cow? Anything to keep your roommate from drooling on you at midnight when the hunger strikes.

3.) Don't ask your new undead roomie to help you wash your hair. Your basically asking them to marinate doesn't end well.

4.) I don't recommend sharing clothes with them. Everything I let Darkfallen borrow comes back shredded and her skin is always fluffing off. Have you ever tried to get 3 day old decay out of your shirt? Yea no amount of Spray & Wash is gonna Shout that out. Your only hope is lighter fluid and a match.

5.) Airfresher!!! And a lot of them. But NEVER scented candles! The undead are like moths, they can't help themselves, but their shuffling ends up knocking them over. (Just ask Lucky, the cat that was lucky enough to not become dinner but not so lucky when the candle tumbled down.) And what is the point in a zombie roommate if they burn the house down?

6.) Lastly and MOST importantly!!! Remeber zombies need love too. They are still your old friend that you once knew. Minus their new diet, and the decaying thing. Instead of things like "ummmmm cooookkkkies?!" they say "ummmmm Brrraaaaiiinnnsss!!"

Many thanks to Paranormal Wastelands for visiting! Join us back for  Zompacolypse from October 28-31.

Visit Greta and Darkfallen at: Paranormal Wastelands

Paranormal Wastelands

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